En casa de Clodoaldo

Some of the names or chapas  we had on each other when young, could only be match by those that we had on each others parents. My mother was known as "gringa rosemary" and my father as "el coronel, militronche, el cachaco" ... Well, you get the idea. Occasionally you will be playing with a friend and ...

"Mama !!,  se puede quedar mi amigo a almorzar?"

Now, I was to be the guest. I enjoyed a  change  from the regular routine at home, but this time it was to be different ... The closest comparison with that luncheon  that I can find now, is like ... hitting a hot LZ in Nam. When you came in that chopper and shit is flying all over the place, you just don't have many options. I was invited to lunch ... No, No, I was set up for lunch.

"Buenas tardes, senora"

"Ahh ... educadiiiiito ... el muchacho, no como estos dos aqui .."

I should have seen it coming. That tone with that Ironia  .. uhmm ..  It was too late. Around the table we have Javicho and Ignacio, my friends. One of their sisters is also joining us and, sitting at the head of the table, La Griega. The dialogue continues ... 

"Dime .. Tu vives por aqui? ... 
Tu  no vives en las villas .. en Chorrillos .. ah?"

She knew were I lived. It was like the first shots on an ambush. You are surprised and blindsided. But ... before I could answer ...

" Yo no se como es en tu casa hijito  pero aqui  se come de todo " 

"A que hora es ... rancho ... en tu casa?"

My friends ... Yea, friends? .. Javicho has that low and inside chuckle. I hear a louder  sound of approval from Ignacio ... WTF ... there are some RPG coming in ...

" Termine .. termine sus verduras ..como?

A ver  .. oye muchacha !! ..  traigale mas verduras al joven .."

Some of the food on my plate were shapes and colors  that I have never seen.  I am trying to just say no. but .. I have to divert this conversation ... she continues to talk. Ignacio is holding his laughter now, but he can hardly stay on his chair. Should I just use a "nuclear option" ... mention  something about her sons  !!?? ..  I know a lot of shit about them . No time, the followup is with some napalm ...

" Cuentame ... como  hizo tu papa para casarse  ... 
Tu mama es gringa no?"

"Por favor  .. jovencito, no me vaya a desairar en mi casa .. 

termine ... termine ... todito .."

I know now why Persians could not conquer the Greeks. She is relentless, Javicho is about to piss on his pants. My  face must look like ... well, their sister is looking at me, I read her eyes ... she is saying: thanks for the entertainment, .. La Griega continues ... its a blanket B52 raid .. and I am on the ground ...

 "Como se llama tu enamorada? Tu tienes no? .. Porque a ti .. si te gustan las ...Y tu ropa ... la compran en la Intendencia? ..."

At this time the only ones not laughing are me and the maid. She is being polite .. I do not know for how long. OMG!! ... I cant remember how I got to finish that plate  and don't have any idea how long this luncheon lasted ...  I don't want to remember.

As desert is served, I hear some words of encouragement from the gallery ... sure, compassion for the victim. Or what is left of me. Its physical and mental .. . I'm thinking she  must  know what we call her. Maybe she should know that Davucho was the one that made up that nick ... It wasn't me!!!
I laugh now, but that day en casa de Clodoaldo, ... sali .. escaldado!!